we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
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I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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