So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is wine microwaveable?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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