im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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