Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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