things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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