In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
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I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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