Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize