I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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