I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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