Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
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were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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