There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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