i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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