Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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