This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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