Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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