i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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