What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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