you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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