i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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