rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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