Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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