some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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