the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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