Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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