I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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