if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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