Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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