Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
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Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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