sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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