Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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