we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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