don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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