we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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