Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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