I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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