none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
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We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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