Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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