I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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