so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
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