If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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