just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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