sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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