dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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