so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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