i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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