My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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