That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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