it wasn't lemon gatorade
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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