It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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