I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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